And we say “I love You”

Why are relationships so hard today? Why do we fail at love every time, despite trying so hard? Why have humans suddenly become so inept at making relationships last? Have we forgotten how to love? Or worse, forgotten what love is?

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We’re not prepared. We’re not prepared for the sacrifices, for the compromises, for the unconditional love. We’re not ready to invest all that it takes to make a relationship work. We want everything easy. We’re quitters. All it takes is a single hurdle to make us crumble to our feet. We don’t let our love grow, we let go before time.

 

It’s not love we’re looking for, only excitement and thrill in life. We want someone to watch movies and party with, not someone who understands us even in our deepest silences. We spend time together, we don’t make memories. We don’t want the boring life. We don’t want a partner for life, just someone who can make us feel alive right now, this very instant. When the excitement fades, we discover nobody ever prepared us for the mundane. We don’t believe in the beauty of predictability because we’re too blinded by the thrill of adventure.

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We look for instant gratification in everything we do – the things we post online, the careers we choose, and the people we fall in love with. We want the maturity in a relationship that comes with time, the emotional connect that develops over years, that sense of belonging when we barely even know the other person. Apparently, nothing’s worth our time and patience – not even love.

 

We immerse ourselves in the inconsequentials of the city life, leaving no space for love. We don’t have time to love, we don’t have the patience to deal with relationships. We’re busy people chasing materialistic dreams and there’s no scope to love. Relationships are nothing more than convenience.

 

Technology has brought us closer, so close that it’s impossible to breathe. Our physical presence has been replaced by texts, voice messages, WhatsApp and video calls. We don’t feel the need to spend time together anymore. We have too much of each other already. There’s nothing left to talk about.

We’re the practical generation wrebuilding-relationships.jpgho runs by logic alone. We don’t know how to love madly anymore. We wouldn’t take a flight to a far-off land just to see someone we love. We’d break up because, long distance. We’re too sensible for love. Too sensible for our own good.

We’d rather spend an hour each with a hundred people than spending a day with one. We believe in having ‘options’. We’re ‘social’ people. We believe more in meeting people than getting to know them. We’re greedy. We want to have everything. We get into relationships at the slightest attraction and step out, the moment we find someone better. We don’t want to bring out the best in that one person. We want them to be perfect. We date a lot of people but rarely give any of them a real chance. We’re disappointed in everyone.

There’s nothing we couldn’t conquer in this world, and yet, here we are ham-fisted at the game of love – the most basic of human instincts. Evolution, they call it.

Tired of being Tired??

We all get tired. We all know what it is like to feel like we want to give up, throw in the towel, and just stay in bed. You know what? Sometimes it’s okay to stay in bed, but at some point we have to be real, to look at ourselves, and move on.

The world can be a tough place, we all know that. We have all felt tough financial times, emotional challenges, and uninspired at work. But who says it has to be that way?

Why have you forgotten how powerful you are? Why have you allowed your own thoughts and ego mind to convince you that you are not capable of creating a life you truly want?

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This world in place can bind you, but only if you continue to give your power to it and allow it to interfere with your own choice as a sentient being on this planet. Sure, challenges can come up and things can be hard, and painful, but these situations are only temporary and help you to grow. Stop seeing them as a bad thing!

You have come here to grow, to evolve, to be part of life on earth — and even to have fun — and yet you get wrapped up in the game and all the seriousness that comes with it. Why? You have come here to remember that it does not have to be this way and in your own way, you are finding this truth and discovering what you are at your pure essence: Love, and Peace, in their most unconditional and pure forms.

This idea that you cannot move beyond challenges, you face and create something you choose, especially something for the greatest good for you and humanity, is absurd and is of your own making. You are more powerful than these challenges already! There is nothing coming that’s going to take them away, and you cannot just wait and hope that one day things will magically change. You are the creator!

Put your heart and soul into realizing what you are and accepting whatever challenge comes your way. Instead of seeing it as a bad thing, ask yourself, how am I benefitting from what I’m experiencing? What am I learning? How am I getting stronger? Why am I truly part of this situation?

Remember:

  • You will always mean the world to someone.
  • Your smile can make someone who doesn’t even like you happy.
  • Every night, someone thinks about you before they fall asleep.
  • If someone seems to hate you, very often it’s only because they want to be like you.
  • On an average, at least a dozen people out there love you in their own way.
  • Life’s too short to wake up every morning with regrets.

Therefore love the people who provide you with experiences, and remember that everything happens for a reason. Even when you make the biggest ‘mistake’ of your life, something good will come out of it. Its how the universe works.

When you feel that the world has turned against you, try to look at it from a different perspective, and you’ll understand it’s just not the case. Always remember: when life offers you ‘another chance,’ pay attention to what you learned last time, and apply it now!
If a new opportunity appears, take it. And if your whole life changes because of this, let it happen.
No one said life was going to be easy and without challenge. But I promise you, it’s worth it and you can grow a million ton!

If you’re feeling like you are not good enough, like somehow others have something you don’t and therefore you can’t do what you feel inspired to, just believe the fact that you have everything it takes, it’s often just turning within to realize that and helping to get rid of the stories,telling you that you’re not good enough.

 

The Astonishing power of Vulnerability

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What does it mean to be truly vulnerable?

This question has been on my mind a lot lately. Being vulnerable means letting your guard down and it means risk. By completely exposing yourself and expressing your thoughts and feelings, you risk being hurt, you risk being rejected, and you risk being s Understandably, many people find being vulnerable challenging and frightening, particularly men, at least in my experience. They often have a more difficult time showing or expressing emotion, having been told by society, their parents, or their friends that it’s not ‘manly’ to do so. It’s not uncommon for men to feel weak or effeminate when expressing emotion, so often they lock it all away and bear the burden of holding on to so much. But there is such power in being able to be absolutely vulnerable with someone, and deep connections are made in this way.

Dr. Brene Brown, a research professor at the University Of Houston Graduate College Of Social Work and the author of the bestselling book Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead, has devoted nearly 15 years of her life studying the emotions of vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame.Her Tedx Houston talk, “The Power Of Vulnerability,” is one of the top ten most viewed Ted Talks in the world. When it comes to vulnerability, I think it’s safe to say she’s an expert.

I absolutely love the part where she says: “They had connection …….. as a result of authenticity. They were willing to let go of who they thought they should be, in order to be who they were.”

And this line was pretty brilliant, too: “Being willing to be the one to say I love you first, and do something that doesn’t provide any guarantees, this is the way one could show vulnerability.”

As Dr. Brown mentions, people who feel shame are more likely to avoid vulnerability out of the fear of not being understood, or disliked, and therefore distance themselves from other people. It is a vicious cycle. It can be very challenging to be absolutely yourself and authentic with the ones you love, but it is so worth it in the end. Besides, don’t you want people to love you for who you are flaws and all? If you are constantly hiding these aspects of yourself, you may never truly connect with another person.

Being vulnerable means showing your authentic self to the ones that you love despite the fear that they may not accept you for who you are. This is a remarkable way to connect deeply with those who are important to you. I’m sure you may have met someone — or you may be like this yourself — who never lets their guard down and never reveals who they truly are. This can come in the form of what I like to call being a “chameleon for love.” These are people who always agree with what everyone says, and always seem to like the same things as everyone else, never sharing a different or controversial opinion. In order to be likeable, loved, and accepted, they do not show who they truly are or voice their own opinion, out of fear of being rejected. This is an example of someone who is afraid of being vulnerable and expressing themselves authentically. But how can you expect to truly connect with someone else if you can’t even be yourself around them? This is something to think about.

Being vulnerable also means having your defences down. Instead of being in defence mode and attacking what someone says about you, you can actually listen to what’s being said, accept it, and share your feelings in turn. If you can let your guard down, you may find it interesting to see how perceptive other people can be, and you may learn something about yourself that you were afraid to see or face.

By practicing vulnerability you allow yourself to feel:

  • A deeper degree of honesty
  • A greater degree of transparency
  • Less defensiveness
  • More courage
  • More authentically yourself
  • A higher level of understanding
  • A deeper sense of connectedness
  • Less lonely and isolated
  • Deeper, more loving relationships

At the end of the talk, she offers some fantastic advice worth practicing every day, for it really can have a more positive effect in your life than you might imagine. Here are the 4 evident
points:

  1. Let yourself be seen.
  2. Love with all your heart with no guarantee
  3. Practice Gratitude in joy, in moments of terror and fear, be grateful
  4. Believe that you are enough

This takes practice and yes, it can be difficult, especially starting out, but give it a shot and see how your world transforms. I guarantee you will feel more confident in who you are and more connected to those you love.

Ginger Tea

The pounding on the kitchen slab was gentle and familiar. Every morning at 6’am is these cheerful moderate thuds made her smile while she was still in bed.Keshav liked to get up early and prepare ginger tea for her and a glass of milk for self. Beating the ginger pods with a stone was something he did without knowing how it made her feel.

He had taken her to Shimla on their tenth wedding anniversary. The recently released ‘Barfi’ had made it a popular destination. Her in-laws insisted they leave the children behind and take this much needed break.

She loved the place. It was cold and beautiful. After much coaxing, she agreed to cross small stream bare-feet. Scared and jittery she twinkle toed her dainty self away. He used to tease her that if it weren’t for her mangalsutra and over-flaunted sindoor, people would think she was still in school as her height deserted her in early childhood. She turned around to look at him from time to time to make sure he was right behind.

At one point when she looked back, he tossed something at her. She caught it but slipped in the bargain and sat with a splash in the middle of the shallow stream. What he tossed at her was this very stone. She sat in knee deep icy cold water holding it tight and watched him come near. She wanted to be angry with him but couldn’t be. He laughed with such joyous abandonment and picked her up in his arms that any heart would melt. She simply clung on. The rest of the crossing was one of the most beautiful moments of their trip.

This smooth white stone which looked like a shapeless potato had been with her since then.

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She was to marry her father’s business partner’s son when she was 16. As the business fell apart so did the marriage plans. No one said anything, no one heard anything. Everyone behaved as if the marriage plans never existed. But the young bride to be was crushed. In the next two years she finished her matriculation and left her home for making good of her future.

That is the time when Keshav and his innocence took over her. And suddenly their worlds went topsy-turvy leading to an exciting yet a journey of togetherness. The marriage was simple. She turned out to be a great wife and a daughter-in-law but for one handicap.

She could never get up early in the morning. Keshav got up early. Prepared tea. Poured them into tiny ceramic cups. Placed them on saucers and called out to her. She would place them on a tray, cover her head with the saree pallu and knock on the door of her in-laws.

Every family has secrets. This was theirs. It kept changing with time from being a tell-tale gossip to a funny story to a romantic legend. Now it was a tradition. The children had planned a grand get together for next year. Their sixtieth wedding anniversary.

Keshav walked in with cup of the same ginger tea. He propped the pillows and picked her frail body up to make her sit. She didn’t want a celebration. She didn’t want the world to wish her. All she wanted was to get her ginger tea in bed as long as she lived. She knew that the day the stone stopped pounding, her heart would too….

Decayed Values!

India was the name of a British colony whereas Bharat was a country of rich and ethical values. We have adopted India, but left Bharat. Also, from ‘Pitaji’ and ‘Mataji’ we’ve come down to ‘Dad’ and ‘Mom’. Well, for youth that’s going up.On attaining independence, the Indian leadership adopted a Constitution based on exploitative imperial practises. This has led to all round social, environmental, economic and political degeneration.Over India’s long civilisation, some aberrations crept in its social structures.

Today, ours is a decaying culture. All round social and environmental degradation, pervasive corruption and self-seeking politics have become the norm. Our forests are depleted, water systems polluted. Asia’s largest illegal colonies have been built in India. Over half the urban populations lives in slums. They are migrants from rural settlement that are often worse then urban slums. The capacity of the state to deal with recurring draughts and floods is eroded. Starvation deaths have become frequent. Because of pressure on land for human needs, wild life habitats are deeply eroded.We adopted a faulty model of centralised planning and a controlled economy. Facing bankruptcy, we are now drifting from pseudo socialism to pseudo capitalism that fosters vulgar wealth alongside abject poverty. We are now almost entirely dependent upon foreign loans and direct investments to repay past debts and invest in so called “development”.

Violence is on the increase and an enhanced advent of foreign products and brands has entirely drifted away the basic indigenous convention from us. For instance,there are series of habits in the youth today,which has crudely demeaned the tag of “Future of the Nation”,when we already consider ourselves as NRI’s by adopting such hollow ideologies.There are some fundamental examples,which are resonating enough to almost everyone of my age and beyond,and they truly portray the  intoxication we admire being surrounded by myths.I would personally pose no acclamation’s on these emerging not-so-healthy trends,but would surely like to throw some light upon our fabricated lifestyles.

Instead of paying Rs.110 for a burger meal in packaged brands,can’t we afford to pay Rs.25 for a Vadapav or Coconut water and Rs.15 for fried potatoes, by just spending Rs.60,we’ll be efficiently contributing to our economy and Vadapav and samosa’s will be a ‘Totally Desi!’ replacement of burgers and pizza’s,which we blindly trust on having a fresh one and also there’s no doubt in coconut water being a perfect replacement of our “Thanda matlab…and Yeh dil maange more” hypes.Being healthy it also has some pro-economic benefits as it helps the poor farmers whose living entirely depends on it and no profit draining out to other nations.According to me,it’s completely baseless to barge on these international brands for a bowl of rice paying beyond 100 bucks,can’t we have Ghee Rice,Jeera Rice and Biryani’s ,where we have countless varieties to choose from,both for vegetarians and non veggies. Why do we hesitate to stop at a ‘Poha-jalebi and kachori thela’s’ to fill our half-filled tummies,or may be our systems are customized in a way to only thrust our hunger by these hi-fi air-conditioned eatable joints,so being an Indian nationalist we can atleast demand to initiate the chain of these eatables,which we know will more or less add to our economic structure.

Another cliche´, celebrating Valentines Day is stated as cool and romantic while Karvachauth isn’t ? Mother’s Day and father’s Day  is not for us,it is for those who leave their parents at a very early age and need a special day to remember them.If you really love your parents,then instead of posting “love you mom/miss you dad” on social networks ,take out time for them and serve them in the best possible way to make them proud.

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You call yourself Modern? Huh!

According to Wikipedia,”Modern generally denotes something that is up to date”.But in our beloved country, a guy who straightens his hair by gel,wears a torn low waist jeans is “Modern”.He ‘s up-to date for sure.But up-to-date with what?

Indian Culture?? Nope

Western Culture??Yes, Perfect!

There are hell lot of ways to drape a saree,carrying Kurtis’s, churidars,patiala’s,and varieties of salwar kameez which can set up a trend if we like to,if we still consider Indian clothing as plain and boring,why can’t our fashion designers tweak and make it more exciting and trendy to meet the glamorous needs of Indian society.

Proceeding towards the mall culture,which is the most prevalent amid-st all sections of the country has downgraded the minds of people enjoying overpriced dresses/movie tickets and popcorn as well.Sometimes I wonder,why do we waste money at PVR’s and Cinemax’s to watch movies,where we pay equivalent for a box of popcorns to the movie ticket.Are we so accustomed to our lavish lifestyle that we are susceptible to these losses.

Heading toward the ‘Apple Mystery!’, a guy or gal who just want to use a smartphone for whatsapp,facebook and some browsing ,why do they want to buy an Iphone to serve this purpose? Are they a VIP or President of India,who really require a secure OS, so that they can prevent hacking of mobile or are they afraid that it might lead to the leakage of some important information which’ll turn out to be nation-wide threat?Simply we are running behind the upcoming brand names,which are selling for Rs.20,000 more in India than other nations (outside India-40,000 and in India-60,000) still we morons are running behind it,without carrying a tint of technical knowledge of what they exactly want from a smartphone.Today our youngsters evoke the motto of ‘No Apple,Not Cool!’ to signify the importance of an Apple Iphone holder.

Atleast we can make an approach to buy and use products manufactured by wholly Indian companies and try enrolling as many people as possible for the cause.We can still instigate the diet including Lemon juice,fresh fruit juice,Lassi, Buttermilk and Coconut water and  entrall the usage of indigenous products and services,be it the soaps,toothpastes,talcums, shampoo’s and mobile connections too.

However,by practicing this,we are not by any means going to boycott or stop using all foreign brands (which wouldn’t be good for our healthy globalization),but relatively we can make some effort to improve our economy and then worry about globalization.

You are my Home!

Sitting next to her better half in the balcony of their newly owned  house,she could comprehend the warmth Smriti always craved for. In the plight of that peaceful moment, she stared at him with a quest to know what would he like to have for breakfast?

There was a not-so-unusual reply from Kunal, which purported that anything will be fine but steamed Idly’s and omelette will serve the best. She followed his indifferent choice and made a move briskly to the kitchen. It was half an hour since she began and was pouring the dry-fruit shake in his tumbler when, she could smell his elegant crux beside her, seeking other utensils for breakfast to help her out at the table. She couldn’t express much but only had a blissful tenderness on her lips,admiring the decision she made.

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He always was a heartious one, who relished life in a sumptuous manner and from the very point when he promised to marry her, she could visibly sense his excitement to have a small family with her .Today she was the epitome of the same love and care she always dreamt of ,while this relation was going through those worrisome days, when constant denials paved  rough roads for them. He was a very lively person in all who, made her smile even in worse situations and she could face the world with the same confidence again.

Their peculiar backgrounds had made it more thrilling for Smriti, to try out his taste in variant recipes to make him feel homely and tingle his taste-buds, which also could accord him with a tint of the flavor her mother-in-law’s cooking had. He was a great connoisseur of lovely food and being posted in southern premises of the country,he cultivated a gorging appetite for off-beating Idly’s and chutneys,which she was not very much fond of, but eventually love made that happen too!

Nibbling on the left over omelette, he turned nostalgic about the times when he convinced his family to marry her and assured them that she can understand his needs the best. He grinned on those silly moments when he teased her making her feel shy and stepping out of his memoir,he exclaimed with a loud excitement,” Did you like our new home?”, to which she looked at his overjoyed face and calmly replied, “Indeed it is a lovely house,but you are my home “.

Magic of remembered moments…

Why is it that  many a time,  what we have been waiting for to happen, what we had been wishing for- when that moment finally dawns,  why does it feel so unreal, almost as if it was happening to someone else. Why does it feel so ordinary, so bland?

When the long awaited moment was in the present, I kept reminding myself , “Here is the moment you’ve been waiting for, watch it unfurl, be in it, hold on to it, savor it. Lock it away, for some day in the future, you will seek this moment in the casket of your memories, you’ll long to be back in it, relive it”…And then in some moment of the remote future, it becomes a miracle remembered, perhaps more magical than it had actually been when in the present.